I. Am. In. So. Much. Pain. It's not even funny. For about the past 6 months I have been dealing with the seemingly never ending saga of getting my teeth fixed. Fillings. Root canals. Extractions. Not fun. But, that's what happens when you don't have dental insurance and earn poverty-level wages. I only have a few things left to get worked on, but at the moment my most pressing issues are two back molars that have already been worked on, but to no avail. The fillings are very deep and the nerves are very agitated. I could get them root-canaled, but that costs about $1,000 each. Not really an option. Instead, I am going to have them pulled, but after having nearly gone into shock from the trauma the last time I had one pulled, I am insisting I be knocked-the-hell-out this time. (Note: I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled with only local-anesthetic, and I did just fine, so when the oral surgeon wanted to pull my #15 molar local-only, I didn't think it would be a big deal. I was wrong. I left the office shaking, dizzy, sweating, and crying. Never again.) Because I want to be asleep with no memory of the event this time around, I have to go to a consult appointment with the oral surgeon first. That appointment is for Monday. If all goes according to plan, they will be pulled Friday, and Friday can't come fast enough. In the mean time I am hurting. Bad. Normally for tooth pain I just take Ibuprofen and that does the trick nicely. If I need more help, I add on some Oragel and ice packs. If that doesn't help, I try warm salt-water rinses. If THAT doesn't help, it's time to call in the big guns. My dentist gave me a prescription for Vicodin last week, and she knows that if I ask for pain meds, I must REALLY be hurting. I almost couldn't take my first dose fast enough. The problem is, even Vicodin isn't working. It get a small amount of relief for about 2 hours, and then the pain is back to full-intensity. It's miserable. I'm miserable. I fall asleep with ice packs on my face, and the moment I wake up in the morning the entire right side of my face starts to throb. Plus, the pain meds make me really sleepy and wonky-feeling, so it's very hard to feel motivated to do anything. All I want to do is lay in bed and watch Law and Order: SVU on Netflix. I told you all of this to explain the next part of the story:
Yesterday I was in the drugstore waiting in the pharmacy line to pick up my prescription refill, looking like a hot mess. I had no makeup on, my hair was in a messy ponytail, and I was wearing scrubby yet comfy clothes. I had big dark circles under my eyes. The Tall Cute Guy said that he can actually tell how much pain I'm in because he can see it on my face, and it was showing in full view as I stood in that line. As I was waiting, I hear a woman in line behind me chatting on her cell phone about "if you want to wear nude eye shadow, you really need to wear fake lashes so your eyes will pop" and other such beauty-related topics. After a few minutes I turned around to sneak a peek at her, and realized it was a girl I had gone to high school with. I immediately whipped my head back in the other direction, hoping she didn't spot me looking like such a wreck. I mentally kicked myself for not following the FlyLady "rule" of getting dressed to shoes, including fixing my hair and makeup. Now, there I was, looking like death warmed over in front of one of my old classmates, who of course looked completely put together and worthy of being seen in public. I did not. It was embarrassing. I'm pretty sure it was situations like this that the rule was invented in the first place. I felt like such a loser.
Normally, I DO fix my hair and makeup before going out, and I really enjoy having that confidence of looking put together while I'm out and about. I felt like I had failed myself big time, and that pain or no pain, I should have sucked it up and put my best face forward. But then again, maybe this kind of thinking is just my perfectionism getting in the way and I should cut myself some slack? I don't know. All I do know is that I'm in pain, and I feel embarrassed. So, I'm asking you- should I have sucked it up and cleaned myself up before heading out to the pharmacy, or should I cut myself some slack?