Kill. Me. Now. Please? I don't know what's wrong with me. Yesterday I did great with my routines, did 15 minutes of Zone work, a 10 minute Weekly Home Blessing chore, drank water for the first time in forever (I'm a total pop-aholic) and did some unexpected laundry (cat threw up on the bathroom rugs I had just washed the day before, grrrr). With all that visible progress, one would think that I would be filled with some sense of satisfaction.
But nooooo. Instead I felt two things:
1. OMG, even with all I did today, there is still sooo much more to do! (Yeah yeah, I know. BabySteps. Whatever.)
2. OMG, I did so much today, and this is what it's going to be like EVERY DAY FROM NOW ON! I feel like all I did today was clean! Sure I took breaks, but never did I get to sit down and just watch a TV show. Today I turned on my DVRed episode of "The View" as usual when I got home from work, but I had to keep pausing it so I could go change the laundry over, or call my bank before I forgot, or enter some other random yet responsible thing that popped up here. After being home for 3 1/2 hours, I had only made it through 27 minutes of the show, which included fast forwarding through commercials. Is this what my life is going to be like every day if I keep going with the FlyLady routines? I don't even have kids!
It just seems like all I do now is clean/FlyLady stuff. Even with using my timer and taking breaks, it seems like FlyLady has sucked my life out of my life. (Not that I had much of a life to begin with.) I thought doing this program was supposed to help me get out of CHAOS so I would have more time to live my life, but right now it feels like the opposite is happening.
"No sorry, I can't do (enter random activity here), I have to go do my Zone work or FlyLady will somehow find out I didn't and yell at me. No, trust me, she KNOWS."
Yesterday I actually told my roommate that I would only go outside and play Cornhole with him if we went RIGHT NOW, because I still had my Weekly Home Blessing, Zone Work, and Before Bed Routine to do. I was rushing through a fun activity so I could go and clean to avoid going to bed with a guilty conscience. What's up with that?
My only theory to this crappy feeling is that right now it seems like so much because I haven't had a cleaning routine for so long, my cleaning "muscle" is out of shape. I'm not used to doing these things on a regular basis, and therefore my internal routine of sitting around and watching TV after work is still inside me screaming "Hellloooo? What are you doing? Oprah is on!". Hopefully the cleaning routine will replace the TV routine and doing all these things everyday will become the new "normal". Or am I being too optimistic and it will always feel like a struggle? Comments please!